Happy Birthday Steven

• Wait at least 1 hour after you eat before going swimming to avoid cramps. 
• Do not eat celery leaves, they will make you deaf.
• Do not drink alcohol when you eat durians, you will die.
• Do not part your hair in the middle during a thunderstorm; lightning will strike you and split your head in 2.
• Finish all the rice on your plate. Every grain that you leave becomes a blemish on your future spouse's face.
• Do not eat standing up. You will get fat feet.
• Boys should not eat eggs that have been left overnight. "Something somewhere" will grow very large.

— Things my great-grandmother taught me.

 Happy Birthday, dear Steven;

    With every one of your birthdays that we celebrate, I worry more about time slipping away. I am afraid that we have not had enough time to tell you everything that we should or want to. Have we taught you everything that you need to know?


Lesson 1- Crossing the Road:

You used to hold your hand out to me when we were getting ready to cross a street. "Mama, we have to hold hands!"  

And then, we would look left, and right, and left again with much enthusiasm and gusto, before you ran across pulling me behind you.

Lesson 2- Economics:

When the country was going into dire economic straits,morning news on the radio on the way to pre-school was usually grim. "What does recession mean, Daddy?", you asked from your car seat in the back.

Daddy painstakingly explained global economics, the gross national product and unemployment to you. Never mind that you lay awake the next 4 nights worrying about the eventuality of losing our house if Daddy lost his job.

No Steven, Daddy is not going to lose his job.
No, we are not going to be homeless even if he does.
No, you do not have to go find a job yet... maybe after you're done with kindergarten.

Lesson 3- The Art of Negotiation:

"Mama, can I have a cookie and watch t.v.?"
"No, Steven. It's too close to dinner-time."
"Can I just watch t.v. then?"
"No, Steven. we're going to sit down to eat soon."
"Pleeeeeeze, Mama??"
"Didn't Daddy tell you no already?"
"Yes." "But Mama, YOU are the boss of this house."

Lesson 4- Genealogy:

You discovered the bony ridge that is on top of your skull. It is the same bony ridge that Dad and your great-grandmother have on their heads. We told you that it came from the Klingon part of the family. You believed that you were part-German, part-Chinese and part-Klingon for many years.

Lesson 5- Birds, Bees and Special Hugs:

"Where do babies come from, Daddy?" This was another one of the hundreds of profound questions you used to ask at bed-time right after you were tucked in.


"Well, Steven..." as panic raced through Dad's brain. In a stroke of perceived genius, Dad remembered a conversation with his boss regarding a similar situation with his children and he chose to borrow the response. "... children are made when daddies and mommies give each other a very special hug."

Phewww... an awkward moment averted?!! Oh, if only...

You asked me a couple of bedtimes later, if we were giving each other special hugs at mass, when the priest asks that we offer each other a sign of peace

No Steven, people are not making babies in church during mass.

   There are so many more lessons that we have taught you. And yet, there are still so many more lessons to learn.

   Perhaps the most important lesson that we have learnt is that you will grow up no matter what lesson we try to teach you. You will grow and learn that some lessons are more important than others. You will learn your own lessons.

   We can only hope that we teach you enough to recognize a lesson when it presents itself, and to know how to apply lessons learnt with wisdom and sagacity. If nothing else, we know that you know how to cross a street. And that it is very expensive to go visit our Klingon home world.

Have a happy, happy birthday, Munchkin!

Love,
Mom and Dad